I See Dead Animals or Why Airbnb Is Not For Me

IMG_4943.JPG-1

Who does this belong to?

I don’t know about you, but for the past few years, I’ve been disappointed with the formerly high-end hotel chains that turned a great stay in a clean room with amenities into a less than mediocre experience. That’s why I decided to try Airbnb.

Let’s face it; “People to People” commerce is trendy. Ridesharing, couch surfing, and I recently saw an article about a couple brainiacs trying to sell us their idea about “People to People lending.” How great does that sound?

So I signed up, divulged more personal information than ever, and included a photo as required. All of this raises my red flag of privacy, and an internal desperation not to share my personal data that I know will be sold the second I hit “submit.” This was my experience in list form. As you may know, I’m quite fond of lists.

  1. The check in procedure was a complete clusterfuck requiring 4 separate emails. Turns out a key was left in a lock box, hung on a gas meter on the side of the building next to several other lock boxes. Six flights of stairs and a shit load of heavy luggage later, I opened the door panting.
  1. The place was sort of cute. Billed as an “Urban Loft” it was definitely urban. Meaning on a major intersection. The bedroom was, of course, in the loft. Up a couple more flights of stairs. Fairly clean, the loft lacked the little amenities one finds in a hotel like unused travel sized soap, shampoo, and hand lotion in favor of a half bottle of VO5, in the shower. First, I had no idea VO5 was still a thing, and second, in the absence of hand soap of any kind, this shampoo of yesteryear works quite well. I wouldn’t have guessed.
  1. Unfortunately for me, there was minimal drawer space. Most of the drawers were stuffed with men’s clothes and shoes, a little gross. The owner’s I suspect. I left my things in the suitcase.
  1. There were lots of animal pelts. They were everywhere. There was one in the bathroom that still had its tail attached though I couldn’t determine what the animal might have been while alive. Two decorative pillows on the bed were covered in rabbit fur. No offense if this is your thing. I happen to be allergic to this kind of shit. I’m queasy about handling cleanly packed meat from the grocery store. Animal skins are not something I’d ever considered when booking my reservation.
  1. It was a stressful trip, I wanted to relax and watch some TV. Nope. To many of these “People to People” types, TV is so old school. There was a television. It received Netflix and iHeart radio.
  1. Day three: Awakened to dueling jackhammers across the street and heavy equipment cutting up the parking lot.
  1. Did I attempt to check out early and score a refund for the remainder of my unused stay? Oh. My. God. Yes. Was it a hassle? With a capital “H.”

Sadly, my first time with Airbnb was my last. I would never agree to the layers of bullshit required to stay in someone’s home that I don’t know again. Someone I’m not sure feels the same way I do about “clean,” or an acceptable level of noise, and the VO5? Seriously?

In a hotel if something isn’t right, the staff will do what they can to fix things. When I complained at my Airbnb accommodation, the host said I didn’t understand how the Airbnb community works.

As a travel writer, (I’m no longer saying former because I’m still traveling and still writing about it) I do my best to bring back information. If I’ve done my job correctly, it might inspire people to explore, but I also have to tell the truth. I’m happy for anyone who has a great experience crashing at a stranger’s place. It’s not for me. If I have to provide a date of birth, a photo, and pay upfront in exchange for what might be a clean bed and bathroom, that’s leaving too much to chance, and a community I apparently don’t understand.

Mediocre is looking better by the minute.