Stuff You Need to Know


Rock Your Job (and your life) For Real

Here are some tips that might be helpful. If not, feel free to move on.

  • Show up.
  • Smile.
  • Pull up your pants if you happen to be one of those guys who likes his pants off the ass, so to speak.
  • Be nice to people, even the ones you can’t relate to.
  • Take anti bacterial wipes and use them liberally and religiously. This will save your own ass someday. Really.
  • If you work with computers don’t get caught surfing porn, buying stuff online, or watching cat videos. Dog videos are acceptable.
  • Never start a sentence with the phrase, “You people.”
  • Try and avoid swearing at all.
  • a) The exception to this rule is, if you work in a field where you happen to be wearing a headset of some kind, (because these people need to bitch and complain) make sure the phone is completely disconnected. Nobody wants to be the idiota that starts to spew crude insults before hitting the END button.
  • If you work in customer service and have an unhappy camper, fix the problem if it’s within your ability to do so. It speaks volumes about you and creates loyal clients for your company.
  • Feign interest. In other words, pretend you’re not in Hell for eight hours a day. (I once wore a button to work that said, “It’s not just a job, it’s death sentence,” but I was seconds away from giving my notice.)
  • Speaking of notice, try and give the customary two weeks unless there are mitigating circumstances. Like, you’ve only been there three days and can’t take another second, then be cool about it, sincere about why you’re leaving, and above all, polite. Then leave with your head down, but don’t look back as you walk away.

Let’s start here and see where we end up. Follow these tips to rock your job. For real, people.