Every week, an email lands in my Spam folder like a creepy, fat Cicada dropping dead from the sky. Intriguing but doubtful I’d be motivated to pursue it further. Although I have been known to freak myself out watching YouTube videos of Cicadas evacuating their outer shells like that scene in the movie, Alien, sans blood though. Just gross.
The email: The sender is someone using the name Vladamir Mcbride, spelled just as you see it, and he wants to offer me a job. Well, of course. A job. How original, especially for someone like me.
Based on the number of jobs I‘ve had, a realistic estimate of submitted applications is probably several hundred. Really. Many of those applications required an account to search open positions or submit a resume; no wonder my Spam filter is usually overflowing with bogus job offers from somebody up to no good. It’s an odds thing. Math, also gross.
My regular inbox is filled every week with jobs that might fit my qualifications. The U.S. Government recently sent me an email saying, and I’m paraphrasing here, get on the stick and apply for some jobs or we’re freezing your account, and you’ll never have access to it again. Sounds kind of final, doesn’t it?
Back to my friend, Vladamir Mcbride and his offer of, “new work.” Who are the people perpetrating this shit? Could my Vladamir be someone else’s Prince Vladamir, attempting to lure an unsuspecting senior citizen into handing over her life savings? It happens every day.
I want to open the email and reply, “Bitch, please. Have you seen my resume? Get a real job and stop these shenanigans. And listen up, Vladamir, you’ll have to do better than a job offer to get my attention. Why don’t you try dropping dead from the sky like a creepy, fat Cicada. Have some self respect.”
Had any weird job offers lately? Anyone bugging you?