The Sky’s the Limit, People

CommandoCodyDVD

Have you ever had a fantasy job you wished you’d have pursued? For me it’s the job of an Air Marshall. I thought it was called Sky Marshall, maybe because I imagined it to be like a western movie in the sky, a new sheriff in town and all, but no. Air Marshall is the correct term.

The title makes the job sound a little more serious than the position I made up in my mind, for instance, according to FederalLawEnforcement.org the following is part of the Defensive Tactics Training: “Trainees must be able to use rapid and coordinated body movements to defend against a physical attack or control an individual. As such, their joints must be flexible and able to withstand force during non-lethal control techniques, Trainees must be able to perform in all course requirements, which may include being thrown, placed in restraints, being taken down.”

Is it me or does this training sound to like getting your ass kicked until you’re almost dead, but not quite dead?

The aircraft tactical training includes this: “All trainees must be able to successfully maintain a kneeling barricade position at least 10 to 15 times during a two-hour session.” WTF? Like those popcorn jumps in spin class that blew my knees to smithereens?

Then there’s a lot of running, weight lifting and other tortures to make sure you’re in top physical condition. And…I’m out.

Granted, I’ve wanted to do a lot of things just to see how the weight loss program worked like, joining the Army for the boot camp workout, or getting a spot on the show, Survivor for the starvation/immunity challenge conditioning program.

Maybe I just want the authority to hold people accountable for reclining their seat into my lap when their hair couldn’t possibly be any greasier, or constantly kicking the back of my seat. Why is it that, the person behind me is always the one sicko on the plane who coughs so hard I can feel the expelled puff of stinky breath on the back of my head? And it never fails that when I’m trapped on a plane, the person in front of me has the foulest gas on the planet. There should be someone available to ticket these people for their breach of sky etiquette. Let’s face it, farting in an enclosed space like an airplane should be a felony.

This is a job for a Sky Marshall, so unlike the rigorous training and inherent danger of an Air Marshall, the former could get free airfare, while they just sort of, monitor things until a citation needed issuing.

The only required skills would be the ability to sleep on a plane and a strong desire to read. Obviously, some tact is involved. Nobody likes to be called out in public for bad behavior. This is why people who make poor eating decisions the night before a flight resulting in a flatulence disaster should just reschedule, because if you’re on my flight, I can’t say what might happen.

How about you? Are you living your dream?

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