America’s most perfect food


     This is my cheese burger. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

      Wondering what food items to include in your disaster emergency kit? Tired of the same boring canned goods year after year? Well, why not augment your supplies with America’s most popular chow, the cheeseburger. That’s right friends, load your emergency totes and backpacks with dozens of burgers because as you can see, they don’t mold or decay in any way. Why the only real difference is a slight color shift in the cheese after 10-plus years! Yum.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve eaten a lot of these little beauties over the course of my life, and so have billions of others, but lately I’m thinking it’s not such a good idea anymore. It doesn’t seem like the parts break down too well, and my colon isn’t as young as it used to be.

People have suggested I auction off my cheeseburger on the Internet, but after all this time I have to admit that I’m attached. We’ve been together more than a decade. How many relationships collapse in less time? It was purchased April 19, 2006 and no rodent has ever attempted to sneak a nibble. I think that says something about staying power.

I tried to contact its maker and ask just what the heck was in the sandwich that would make it freeze in time, but I never got a response. Hey, I get it; the CEO was probably busy that day. Perhaps he was buying a new mansion with his bonus, or maybe he thought I was just a kook trying to get a free burger. As if. I already have one.

One thought on “America’s most perfect food

  1. Whooohaaahhh I ate so many of these little bastards in my life (long long time ago 😂) that I think they are still living somewhere in my body, and I am still trying to get rid of these little bastards 😂😂😂

    Your ‘cousin in law’


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